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My name is Dominique Nok-Doesburg, I am 36 years old and the proud wife of Stan and mother of Lisa and Zoey. I was born in Surinam and raised in Amsterdam. At the moment we enjoy living in London.
“How can it be?” I asked myself about 18 months ago.
“How can it be that, after loving Jesus sincerely after 16 years I still have the feeling something is missing in my life as a Christian?”
Intimacy with God, going to church weekly and ‘read-your-bible-pray-everyday’ were high on my priority list since my conversion. My ‘Christian standard’ was high, so it couldn’t be that.
Maybe if I prayed more, or if the signs and wonders finally become visible?
I tried everything in the Christian books to still my hunger for ‘there is more than this,’ but nothing satisfied me. And a temporary gratification like a good sermon, a conference or a great worship service weren’t sufficient anymore. I wanted the hunger and thirst to be fulfilled…
Nothing Went the Way I Wanted
At a certain point I was forced to let go of all my expectations of life and God, the ‘Christian standards’ in me, and everything I thought I knew about faith and religion. I’d been maxed out, and the ceiling was reached, nothing went the way I expected or wanted to.
At first I thought I had no other choice than to live the way I do now. Later I realized I was released from something that held me back from surrendering my heart to God and to receive His love.
I learned a deeper meaning of acceptance. For me, acceptance means to make space in your heart to be able to love and to be loved. Through acceptance, a deep connection with God as my Father developed, and my dependency in Him was restored.
God wants to love us, not change us
What about your values, do you still have them? God still has standards you know.
I’ve been asked that question a couple of times. Of course I still have values!
But I don’t want my values to come forth out of rules and expectations I made up myself or (for example) a leader of a church. But out of my love for Dad, Yeshua and the Holy Spirit. Why would I want to hurt Him, the one I love? God’s love is without hooks, commas or question marks.
God ís love, period.
And from this love He teaches us what’s good for us and what’s not. “God wants to love us, not change us”, someone once told to me. “If change is necessary it will come naturally”.
Often change is connected to rules of a house or a person. But if we discover how passionate God is about us, how He is looking through rose-colored glasses at us, and how He longs for us to enter into His presence we will change from the inside out.
Regularly, Dad works side by side with His children to achieve change in someone’s heart. Sometimes He does it all by Himself. I see my life as organic. I grow a certain way and trust Dad ensures I grow closer to Him. And if not, He will step up and intervene…
Overflow of Gods love
After allowing Father’s love into places I normally would hide, He started to talk about my spirit, soul and body. How important it is to know that I am spirit and what a broken and damaged soul can cause. The soul is subject to positive and negative incentives that can lift you up or cause more damage.
A couple of months ago, when I was under a dark cloud, I experienced how forceful this can be. During this painful period I discoverd Dad is really trustworthy.
I now know I’m allowed to be me, I’m loved even if I don’t function properly any more and I’m always safe.
I’m not hungry or thirsty anymore. All the nice gifts He still has in store for me are part of the overflow.
I know His love is sufficient for me.
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